he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
