I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
