So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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