I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she looked like the before picture.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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