we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
