no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
