K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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