I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize