My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
