She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
