I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
