she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
