would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
