So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
