the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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