Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
