There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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