had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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