how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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