yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Randomize
