We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize