Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
