4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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