I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
