Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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