This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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