I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
