I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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