i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
try to milk me bitch
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