I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
