i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
