This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
