if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
