this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
