Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
