he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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