Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
