youre lurking in front of me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
