Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
