Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Fuck appropriateness.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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