dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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