i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
