I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
