i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
