hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you didnt know i had herpes?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
