There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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