i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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