He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
