North Korea, Best Korea!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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