I am puke
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
