the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Holy sore nipples Batman
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
