and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
