Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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