About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
