C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
