Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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