it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
