And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think my moral compass just broke
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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