I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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