Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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