i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
