i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
