Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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