Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
