i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
