I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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