God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
