im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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