I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
