Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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