upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
