I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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