I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
