I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
