just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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