Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
