I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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