let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
