I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
