I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Will you blow on my dice?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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