Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize